literature

union st. clare

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Literature Text

there were too many people at the show
for the size of the venue it was in
and i didn't know most of them,
but they weren't important so it didn't matter

how can i explain it
when you walked into the room i think
everyone could tell anyway
because fuck me if i didn't prop myself against
that thin plaster wall and try to look like
i wasn't not not expecting it
or like it didn't matter to me either way

everything was loud, and the freshmen were playing
80's hair metal covers but it didn't even matter
because i was looking at you and you were looking at me
but not at the same times and i'm
not a fan of change,
but i fell for the you that you are now
and i'll fall for the you that you'll be next year,
probably,
and shit,
i'm not even trying anymore

because your eyes do have a color, they're brown,
and how can i tell you that, how can i make you
understand

that so much time went by but i'm
just finding out about this

and when you're standing close enough
that i could touch the back of your hand,
i can't fucking breathe

there's something stupid inside me that compels me
to tattoo the syllables of your name on my bones,
because i might as well make it plain
that you own me like a balloon tied around your wrist
with red string

fuck,
i don't even care anymore

because if you keep looking at me
with those dumb brown eyes,
if you keep brushing past me,
like you know that you're touching me and
you don't give a damn,
god, just kill me
1/27/13
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