a chance to breathe

the heels of you hands
can be used to accept or reject;

i see them extending,
crisscrossed by lines--
a map--
and i watch knowing
that i would shrivel if i ever tried to hold them

because everything
i
touch

turns to stone

.

and there are those veins
that run up your arms like rivers, oh
dear, how i love the blood that beats in them

how i love your small bones to the point of breaking,
and every drop of skin on your frame

every breath a blessing,
like the wonder of seeing you alive

.

the stones in my stomach break my spine and
the stones in my veins leave bruises and
the stones in my eyes keep me from seeing and

the stones in my heart keep me safe

.

keep me safe

.

and don't you know that no matter how much you smile your skull is only baring its teeth

.

the sound of screaming in the hallways
and there is your body,
there you are walking,
and the screams are replaced by
the sound your nerves make
as they fray into nothing

.

so i run
my heart in my mouth and
my lungs drowning in my stomach,

as if i knew a damn thing about anatomy

even though i pretend
to know about hearts
i could never explain to you mine,

about as useful as an apple seed for suicide,
and as broken as a crooked nail